Review: Lootcase

I like Kunal Khemmu muchly, but how can there be so many smart alecks in one movie?

Rating: Blah


I watched the first 30 minutes waiting for smart dialog to end and movie to begin.

Then I fast forwarded the film… watching it in bits and pieces…

So this is not a review, but dil se niklee aah:

Q. Itne saare shaane log ek film mein kaise aaye?
A. Dialog writer ka revenge. Narration ke wakt hasaya sabko.

Q. Underworld/Bhai log itne stupid aur quirky hain toh how did they reach the top of their business?
A. Nat Geo subscribe karo.

Q. Why are kids in movies so annoying?
A. Bhagwan ki den hain.

Q. How do we know the situation is funny?
A. Background music batayegaa naa…

Q. Aisi filmein kaise ban jaatee hain?
A. You have to be a small town lad who lives with other lads (araam nagar?) and then koi bhi concept ho woh bik jaata hai,

Q. Suitcase full of cash concept naya hai kya?
A. Hollywood made a movie where an ordinary family transports an RV full of drugs, Bollywood has made many movies and the last funny movie was 99 Not Out which is a 2009 movie made by Raj and DK and there is a similar suitcase of cash that is misplaced…

verdict: there is so much content that you can watch on disney plus hotstar that is better than this thing. I feel for Kunal Khemmu.    

Review: Lootcase

I like Kunal Khemmu muchly, but how can there be so many smart alecks in one movie?

Rating: Blah


I watched the first 30 minutes waiting for smart dialog to end and movie to begin.

Then I fast forwarded the film… watching it in bits and pieces…

So this is not a review, but dil se niklee aah:

Q. Itne saare shaane log ek film mein kaise aaye?
A. Dialog writer ka revenge. Narration ke wakt hasaya sabko.

Q. Underworld/Bhai log itne stupid aur quirky hain toh how did they reach the top of their business?
A. Nat Geo subscribe karo.

Q. Why are kids in movies so annoying?
A. Bhagwan ki den hain.

Q. How do we know the situation is funny?
A. Background music batayegaa naa…

Q. Aisi filmein kaise ban jaatee hain?
A. You have to be a small town lad who lives with other lads (araam nagar?) and then koi bhi concept ho woh bik jaata hai,

Q. Suitcase full of cash concept naya hai kya?
A. Hollywood made a movie where an ordinary family transports an RV full of drugs, Bollywood has made many movies and the last funny movie was 99 Not Out which is a 2009 movie made by Raj and DK and there is a similar suitcase of cash that is misplaced…

verdict: there is so much content that you can watch on disney plus hotstar that is better than this thing. I feel for Kunal Khemmu.    

Review: RAAT AKELI HAI


The Raat is Mildly Interesting, Terribly Long and is a Tiresome Watch


Rating: 3 cups of chai so you don’t fall asleep

Mini Review:

‘I will reach the truth, no matter what’ promises Nawazuddin Siddiqui who is the policeman in charge of the investigation of a murder of a rich old man who has just married his ‘rakhail’. Everyone at home looks suspicious and have a motive. The film makes us go through the elimination process and kills innocent bystanders (yawn!). If you are a fan of detective stories, then this is too tiresome, but there are many interesting things about this film. 

Main Review:

Mere Paas Maa Hai

Nawazuddin is a cop named Jatil Yadav. (After Hathiram Choudhary in Pataal Lok, an unusual name for a cop does not even ask for an eye roll, but they explain it because they think it’s clever: mother made a spelling error Jatin ko Jatil bana diya). His relationship with his mother is the best thing in the movie.

Ila Arun plays his mother, who wants him to get married, misses conversation, gets ragged at him for not talking to her nicely and replaces his cream with fair and lovely…If you need one reason to see this film, this should be it.

Mere Paas Sidekick Hai

The second reason is his sidekick Nandu (played wonderfully by Shreedhar Dubey) who works with Nawazuddin, offers a counterpoint, and even begins dressing like Nawazuddin after Nawaz is out of the picture. I loved that change in Nandu (he wears a leather jacket, and sunglasses and walks with a swagger). 

Is Raat Mein Bahut Tropes Hain

Otherwise the story of a haveli with interesting dubious characters is a trope. The aunt who spies, the girl who doesn’t care about the dead patriarch, the rakhail who is dames, the pregnant daughter with a loud, angry husband, the son who is the rakhail’s secret lover, the maid servant who has seen everything but won’t say anything. 

The cops and political leaders are straight out of a stereotype too: the hero cop (leather jacket, sunglasses, motorbike swag), the sidekick who is part of the system but will change his opinion, the corrupt chief of police, the politician who uses power to corrupt the situation, the politician’s goons who do his dirty work…

I know we have now have access to shows from all around the world and see sexually deviant content, and I would be stupid to say fathers don’t rape daughters in India because we are sanskari…but showing the old patriarch take pictures of the young woman is just not necessary.

Plus some red herrings are just needless (will not add spoilers). Also no one can tell us convincingly why the old man had to marry his rakhail.  

The only thing weird was the romance between Radhika Apte (who plays the ‘rakhail’) and Nawazuddin even though we are given broad hints by the conversation he has with his mom. ‘You can put conditions on with who you are going to fall in love’. You know the more he says he wants a ‘cultured woman’ he’s going to find one that is off kilter.

It’s a better watch than Lootcase on Disney Plus Hotstar, that’s for sure. Nawazuddin delivers. The problem with a who dun it is that it has too many whos who could’ve done it, and it painstakingly goes through each one, so… I yawned so many times. 

The biggest grouse: I love this song from Jewel Thief and it’s really unfair to use it as title for the film.     






Review: RAAT AKELI HAI


The Raat is Mildly Interesting, Terribly Long and is a Tiresome Watch


Rating: 3 cups of chai so you don’t fall asleep

Mini Review:

‘I will reach the truth, no matter what’ promises Nawazuddin Siddiqui who is the policeman in charge of the investigation of a murder of a rich old man who has just married his ‘rakhail’. Everyone at home looks suspicious and have a motive. The film makes us go through the elimination process and kills innocent bystanders (yawn!). If you are a fan of detective stories, then this is too tiresome, but there are many interesting things about this film. 

Main Review:

Mere Paas Maa Hai

Nawazuddin is a cop named Jatil Yadav. (After Hathiram Choudhary in Pataal Lok, an unusual name for a cop does not even ask for an eye roll, but they explain it because they think it’s clever: mother made a spelling error Jatin ko Jatil bana diya). His relationship with his mother is the best thing in the movie.

Ila Arun plays his mother, who wants him to get married, misses conversation, gets ragged at him for not talking to her nicely and replaces his cream with fair and lovely…If you need one reason to see this film, this should be it.

Mere Paas Sidekick Hai

The second reason is his sidekick Nandu (played wonderfully by Shreedhar Dubey) who works with Nawazuddin, offers a counterpoint, and even begins dressing like Nawazuddin after Nawaz is out of the picture. I loved that change in Nandu (he wears a leather jacket, and sunglasses and walks with a swagger). 

Is Raat Mein Bahut Tropes Hain

Otherwise the story of a haveli with interesting dubious characters is a trope. The aunt who spies, the girl who doesn’t care about the dead patriarch, the rakhail who is dames, the pregnant daughter with a loud, angry husband, the son who is the rakhail’s secret lover, the maid servant who has seen everything but won’t say anything. 

The cops and political leaders are straight out of a stereotype too: the hero cop (leather jacket, sunglasses, motorbike swag), the sidekick who is part of the system but will change his opinion, the corrupt chief of police, the politician who uses power to corrupt the situation, the politician’s goons who do his dirty work…

I know we have now have access to shows from all around the world and see sexually deviant content, and I would be stupid to say fathers don’t rape daughters in India because we are sanskari…but showing the old patriarch take pictures of the young woman is just not necessary.

Plus some red herrings are just needless (will not add spoilers). Also no one can tell us convincingly why the old man had to marry his rakhail.  

The only thing weird was the romance between Radhika Apte (who plays the ‘rakhail’) and Nawazuddin even though we are given broad hints by the conversation he has with his mom. ‘You can put conditions on with who you are going to fall in love’. You know the more he says he wants a ‘cultured woman’ he’s going to find one that is off kilter.

It’s a better watch than Lootcase on Disney Plus Hotstar, that’s for sure. Nawazuddin delivers. The problem with a who dun it is that it has too many whos who could’ve done it, and it painstakingly goes through each one, so… I yawned so many times. 

The biggest grouse: I love this song from Jewel Thief and it’s really unfair to use it as title for the film.     






Review: BULBBUL


The Lore and the Lure of a Girl Called Chudail 


Rating: Can’t Miss It

Mini Review:

A beautifully told period tale of a girl who likes scary stories and grows up to realize she’s a part of one herself. A wonderful cast and even better performances that make you wish there was a ‘chudail’ out there in real life who was really out to avenge women who are hurting. 

Main Review:

Remember how women were told that their job was to do only one thing: ‘gehne banwaao, gehne tudwaao’  way back in Sahab Biwi Aur Ghulam? 

Well, little Bulbbul gets married to a much older man (Rahul Bose is a fabulous Bade Thakur) who has a mad twin, and a very sweet little brother Satya (grows up to be Avinash Tiwary whom you last saw in the undervalued Laila Majnu). The mad twin is married to the beautiful, bitchy Choti bahu (played brilliantly by Paoli Dam, whom I saw last in the weird Kali 2 on Zee5).

The atmospherics in the film are just breathtaking. The thakuron ki haveli which is very Bangla, very British, the family temple for Kali, the eerie forests that connect the haveli to the outside world. Everything transports you to that time where you will begin to hear whispers about ‘chudail’…

I fell in love with the four poster beds and the rest of the furniture in the haveli, the luxurious upholstry and the clothes and jewelry everyone was wearing. And yes, the Mubkhar shaped like a bird for Bulbbul’s hair. I loved watching Badi bahu turn out to be sassy and mysterious and wondered where she could have found so much confidence. Bulbbul is played by the lovely Tripti Dimri who has outgrown the awful Laila she played in Laila Majnu (I remember wondering why Majnu actually fell for this silly vain chit). She has a better role in Bulbbul and credit goes to director Anvita Dutt for making Bulbbul what she is on screen.

Tripti and Satya are connected again in this story, but there’s a catch. Dr Sudip (the gorgeous Parambrata Chatterjee) looks after Bulbbul. Satya is insanely jealous and begins seeing him as a villain. He even accuses Bulbbul of ‘making a mistake’…

But the villain here is as Bulbbul says, ‘Tum saare ek jaise ho.’

There are murders in the village, and everyone says it is the chudail. 

But I won’t say more. 

I am one of those people who figure out things in a story (it’s a curse, I tell you!) but the reveal in this film is quite gratifying.

And yes, this film makes me wish for a real life chudail to help women pushed to impossible corners. Anushka Sharma as producer is making wonderful choices.       


Review: BULBBUL


The Lore and the Lure of a Girl Called Chudail 


Rating: Can’t Miss It

Mini Review:

A beautifully told period tale of a girl who likes scary stories and grows up to realize she’s a part of one herself. A wonderful cast and even better performances that make you wish there was a ‘chudail’ out there in real life who was really out to avenge women who are hurting. 

Main Review:

Remember how women were told that their job was to do only one thing: ‘gehne banwaao, gehne tudwaao’  way back in Sahab Biwi Aur Ghulam? 

Well, little Bulbbul gets married to a much older man (Rahul Bose is a fabulous Bade Thakur) who has a mad twin, and a very sweet little brother Satya (grows up to be Avinash Tiwary whom you last saw in the undervalued Laila Majnu). The mad twin is married to the beautiful, bitchy Choti bahu (played brilliantly by Paoli Dam, whom I saw last in the weird Kali 2 on Zee5).

The atmospherics in the film are just breathtaking. The thakuron ki haveli which is very Bangla, very British, the family temple for Kali, the eerie forests that connect the haveli to the outside world. Everything transports you to that time where you will begin to hear whispers about ‘chudail’…

I fell in love with the four poster beds and the rest of the furniture in the haveli, the luxurious upholstry and the clothes and jewelry everyone was wearing. And yes, the Mubkhar shaped like a bird for Bulbbul’s hair. I loved watching Badi bahu turn out to be sassy and mysterious and wondered where she could have found so much confidence. Bulbbul is played by the lovely Tripti Dimri who has outgrown the awful Laila she played in Laila Majnu (I remember wondering why Majnu actually fell for this silly vain chit). She has a better role in Bulbbul and credit goes to director Anvita Dutt for making Bulbbul what she is on screen.

Tripti and Satya are connected again in this story, but there’s a catch. Dr Sudip (the gorgeous Parambrata Chatterjee) looks after Bulbbul. Satya is insanely jealous and begins seeing him as a villain. He even accuses Bulbbul of ‘making a mistake’…

But the villain here is as Bulbbul says, ‘Tum saare ek jaise ho.’

There are murders in the village, and everyone says it is the chudail. 

But I won’t say more. 

I am one of those people who figure out things in a story (it’s a curse, I tell you!) but the reveal in this film is quite gratifying.

And yes, this film makes me wish for a real life chudail to help women pushed to impossible corners. Anushka Sharma as producer is making wonderful choices.       


Review: GHOOMKETU


Aao sab quirky quirky khelein!

1.5 stars

Mini Review:

Kyon?

Main Review: 

‘Everyone is creating shows that are violent and every character has gaalis coming out of their pores, let’s make people laugh instead, Kya kehte ho?’
‘India is not the cities, we should focus on the village.’
‘Yes! A village with unique characters…’
‘Unique? As in quirky?’
‘And bring the village to the city!’

‘Explosive!’
‘Of course! Open that rolodex and assemble the ensemble cast!’
‘And we will make a super quirky comedy, sir!’

And the men gather around adding quirk after quirk to every character. No one cares if the audience will wonder why there’s not one, not a single normal person in the village…

Dadda screams and screams and then plays the flute. Raghubir Yadav does yelling in every movie, so director ka kaam aasaan. Check!

Nawazuddin Siddiqui is a Phantom rolodex staple, he can do any role. He will be Dhoomketu..
Sir, Ghoomketu, sir!
Haan, haan, same difference. Get him! 
Sir, his designer says he should wear strange clothes. But writer says people in villages don’t wear such clothes…
Tell him to shut up and write. Everyone in villages wears clothes like Tik Tok stars. 
Ok sir. Done hai sir!

Let’s make Anurag Kashyap a bumbling cop because he scared the heck out of people as Rudra the psycho in Imaikka Nodigal. 
Lekin he doesn’t look like a ‘Badlani’…
If people at Netflix have this same doubt, we will use words like ‘universality of the character’
Sounds impressive sir! Lekin AK sir toh, yahan ke sir hain, unko…
No problem, he is very sporting. 
Ok sir! Very good sir!  

Editor ka role Bijendra Kala ko do.
He’s very good sir. Will be very good as writer of film genre handbook
But that’s too straightforward. Put him behind a big partition with a small window.
Yeh best rahega sir! 
And call the newspaper of the village ‘Gudgudi’
Whaa?
Thoda quirky hona chaahiye naa?
Okay sir, best!

Thoda politics bhi daalo so Swanand Kirkire ke character ko Bheeshma pitamah ki tarah kuch role mile.
Hain?
Give him a quirky backstory. Could not get love, so became leader.
Whaa?

Aur kaun baaki hai?
The women, sir!
Put one in ghoonghat, make other one fat and in ghoonghat and make the third fart.
Ila Arun said yes, sir. For Santo bua! 
She did?
But she insists she won’t fart on screen, sir. Because, dignity… 
We’ll figure that one out.
She will be the best! Most quirky, most encouraging bua ever.

Writer? Be funny! Sab dialog mein quirky hona chaahiye. Script ka koi bhi page open karoon toh quirky hona chahiye. At least three!

So you have quirky things like ‘Bloody Pool’ followed by ‘Sui Patak Sannata’ and Nawazuddin Siddiqui’s Tik Tok inspired shirts. So it doesn’t matter if the cast forgets that they are supposed to be villagers and their English is supposed to be less than perfect.

By the time Ghoomketu comes back home from a failed stint in Bollywood, and you have a pain in the neck from watching Ranveer Singh and Sonakshi Sinha act out Dilwale Dulhaniya De Jaayenge and Amitabh Bachchan mouth Ghoomketu’s lines off a bhelpuri paper you have gagged on your own vomit.

How can anyone say ‘Content is King’ after watching this? 

Review: GHOOMKETU


Aao sab quirky quirky khelein!

1.5 stars

Mini Review:

Kyon?

Main Review: 

‘Everyone is creating shows that are violent and every character has gaalis coming out of their pores, let’s make people laugh instead, Kya kehte ho?’
‘India is not the cities, we should focus on the village.’
‘Yes! A village with unique characters…’
‘Unique? As in quirky?’
‘And bring the village to the city!’

‘Explosive!’
‘Of course! Open that rolodex and assemble the ensemble cast!’
‘And we will make a super quirky comedy, sir!’

And the men gather around adding quirk after quirk to every character. No one cares if the audience will wonder why there’s not one, not a single normal person in the village…

Dadda screams and screams and then plays the flute. Raghubir Yadav does yelling in every movie, so director ka kaam aasaan. Check!

Nawazuddin Siddiqui is a Phantom rolodex staple, he can do any role. He will be Dhoomketu..
Sir, Ghoomketu, sir!
Haan, haan, same difference. Get him! 
Sir, his designer says he should wear strange clothes. But writer says people in villages don’t wear such clothes…
Tell him to shut up and write. Everyone in villages wears clothes like Tik Tok stars. 
Ok sir. Done hai sir!

Let’s make Anurag Kashyap a bumbling cop because he scared the heck out of people as Rudra the psycho in Imaikka Nodigal. 
Lekin he doesn’t look like a ‘Badlani’…
If people at Netflix have this same doubt, we will use words like ‘universality of the character’
Sounds impressive sir! Lekin AK sir toh, yahan ke sir hain, unko…
No problem, he is very sporting. 
Ok sir! Very good sir!  

Editor ka role Bijendra Kala ko do.
He’s very good sir. Will be very good as writer of film genre handbook
But that’s too straightforward. Put him behind a big partition with a small window.
Yeh best rahega sir! 
And call the newspaper of the village ‘Gudgudi’
Whaa?
Thoda quirky hona chaahiye naa?
Okay sir, best!

Thoda politics bhi daalo so Swanand Kirkire ke character ko Bheeshma pitamah ki tarah kuch role mile.
Hain?
Give him a quirky backstory. Could not get love, so became leader.
Whaa?

Aur kaun baaki hai?
The women, sir!
Put one in ghoonghat, make other one fat and in ghoonghat and make the third fart.
Ila Arun said yes, sir. For Santo bua! 
She did?
But she insists she won’t fart on screen, sir. Because, dignity… 
We’ll figure that one out.
She will be the best! Most quirky, most encouraging bua ever.

Writer? Be funny! Sab dialog mein quirky hona chaahiye. Script ka koi bhi page open karoon toh quirky hona chahiye. At least three!

So you have quirky things like ‘Bloody Pool’ followed by ‘Sui Patak Sannata’ and Nawazuddin Siddiqui’s Tik Tok inspired shirts. So it doesn’t matter if the cast forgets that they are supposed to be villagers and their English is supposed to be less than perfect.

By the time Ghoomketu comes back home from a failed stint in Bollywood, and you have a pain in the neck from watching Ranveer Singh and Sonakshi Sinha act out Dilwale Dulhaniya De Jaayenge and Amitabh Bachchan mouth Ghoomketu’s lines off a bhelpuri paper you have gagged on your own vomit.

How can anyone say ‘Content is King’ after watching this? 

Review: ANGREZI MEDIUM


If Hindi Medium Was Fabulous,
Angrezi Medium Is Opposite.

1.5 stars

Mini Review:

Call me stingy but when filmmakers do really stupid things like write the movie wearing blinders whilst under a rock and get carried away on fame earned by their earlier film, then it’s tough to give them a pass (gradewise and otherwise). This film has a great cast, some ‘dil ko touch kar gaye’ scenes but the rest are like vomit emoji. Many times over. 

Main Review:

Half a star for the awesome motichoor laddu placed on our seats at the screening of the film. Despite my fears about the corona virus, I picked up the box from the seat and licked my fingers after eating. Delicious.

One Star For The Feel Good Moments. 

So we realise that Ghasitaram is a name many mithai shops use and they’re all related to one another. They’re fighting to use the name and they take one another to court. What’s fun is that they go to court in a bus together. Because, family.

That itself is a great idea, and the court scene is funny where the court proceedings are derailed because they start discussing daru and chakhna instead. But that’s one scene.

The other best part of the movie is this fabulous trio of Irrfan Khan who plays Champak Bansal, Deepak Dobriyal is Gopi Bansal and Kiku Sharda as Gajju Bansal. Three men who are not just related to one another but are friends who get drunk on the terrace at night. Their conversation is so good you are immediately endeared to the characters (that weird laugh Deepak Dobriyal indulges in is forgiven)

Everyone is going to tell you how heartwarming Irrfan Khan is with his daughter Radhika Madan. One scene where she comes home drunk and accuses her dad is wonderful. After that, her insane need to study in England is a ‘bachpan mein maara hota toh yeh din na dekhne padte!’ moment. 

There is also a moment where Irrfan Khan looks pensive at the window in London, worried about how he’s going to get his daughter admitted to college, which is as good as the scene in Nil Bate Sannata where Chanda (Swara Bhaskar) wonders about how she’s going to get her daughter to study…

Dimple Kapadia is still stunning. Still amazing. 

13 Reasons Why All Good Scenes Stand Cancelled.

1. The film releases on Friday the 13th. So bad writing gets blamed on the bad luck date.

2. Corona virus ke kaaran people didn’t come to the theaters, warna hit thee boss.

3. Whoever wrote the English parts given to white people has never spoke to a white person. They don’t ‘maite’, ‘eh?!’ and ‘lad’ in every sentence. Not even during cricket commentary.

4. Died laughing when London airport, immigration, police were all ‘white’. Why sacrifice the movie for cheap comedy? Kaun hain yeh log? There are brown people everywhere, even the Mayor of London is Sadiq Khan. 

5. British cops who mistake achaar for drugs? Seriously?! In 2020, their drug sniffing dogs might ask for mathri when they sniff out achaar. 

6. Irrfan Khan speaks English with a tourist in Udaipur. Broken English, but English. All of a sudden upon landing in London he is unable to speak a word of the language. But he knows how to use Google Translate which helpfully translates ‘Dawa’ into ‘Drugs’. Try it. It clearly says ‘Medicine’. So they sacrifice everything for a cheap joke. Of course when he says he’s going to make drugs, the all white, all brainless policemen arrest him after overacting their alarm. 

7. We see NO Indian person in London except the boy who picks up Radhika Madan at the airport. And she’s so stupid, she doesn’t make any effort to find where her uncle and dad are. If you ever go to London, there are helpful signs everywhere. And the boy who picks her up also just whisks her away. 

8. So Radhika Madan has managed to contact a frat house Indian, without actually having a provisional admission… And they’re all very happy to share their alcohol. Uh-uh! If you have studied at any college in London, then NO ONE shares alcohol so freely. They all bring their own booze. The frat house hilarity is very American. Thoda konfujiyaa gaye hain… If you google ‘what do students in Britain drink?’, the answer will be beer followed by wine. 

9. So the principal in an Udaipur school tears up the admission letter. Erm… It’s 2020, those acceptance letters are all online now. So the whole nonsense they go through to get admission is a waste. There could have been comedy in trying to forge a letter from the university, where Irfan and Deepak try to reach hackers in some biddy’s basement… Sigh. 

10. The boy who rescues Radhika Madan has a dad who is a politician, but he works so he’s not a burden on his dad. Doting daughter doesn’t try to locate her dad via her friend’s politician dad? That would have been comedy too… But the country where no one figured out that the two gents did not speak English and deported them has an Indian person who is a politician? 

11. Please Pankaj Tripathi, I used to be a fan. Have said that he cannot do a thing wrong. But after seeing him ham away at his role, trying hard to be funny was like someone stabbing me with the butter knife. Pankaj Tripathi starts speaking like, ‘Main batatee hoon’ (as if he were confusing gender) but then he forgets that in trying to be funny. I thought he’s be extending his hand and painting his nails too… They just didn’t think of it, no?

12. Why is Ranvir Shorey made to dress as if he had flown down from the West Indies instead of cold England. And his family is dressed like Goan Aunties straw hats and all… No wonder Meghan Markle chose to leave England and move to Canada.

13. The auction is as sham as it can get. But that Bappi Lahiri crack? Fizzzzzzled out. Who’s your audience? Busta Rhymes is what most young people understand. And the hawala money exchanging hands is not even original…

Friday The Thirteenth or no, this movie just bombed. Even though the father-daughter equation could have been ‘aww’ inducing, these ghastly mistakes would have made Citizen Khan cringe too. Watch Hindi Medium on one of the streaming services. It had a heart. This one just makes you wince.  





P.S. If you are a fan of Irrfan Khan then go to Netflix and watch him in Tokyo Trial.







              


Review: ANGREZI MEDIUM


If Hindi Medium Was Fabulous,
Angrezi Medium Is Opposite.

1.5 stars

Mini Review:

Call me stingy but when filmmakers do really stupid things like write the movie wearing blinders whilst under a rock and get carried away on fame earned by their earlier film, then it’s tough to give them a pass (gradewise and otherwise). This film has a great cast, some ‘dil ko touch kar gaye’ scenes but the rest are like vomit emoji. Many times over. 

Main Review:

Half a star for the awesome motichoor laddu placed on our seats at the screening of the film. Despite my fears about the corona virus, I picked up the box from the seat and licked my fingers after eating. Delicious.

One Star For The Feel Good Moments. 

So we realise that Ghasitaram is a name many mithai shops use and they’re all related to one another. They’re fighting to use the name and they take one another to court. What’s fun is that they go to court in a bus together. Because, family.

That itself is a great idea, and the court scene is funny where the court proceedings are derailed because they start discussing daru and chakhna instead. But that’s one scene.

The other best part of the movie is this fabulous trio of Irrfan Khan who plays Champak Bansal, Deepak Dobriyal is Gopi Bansal and Kiku Sharda as Gajju Bansal. Three men who are not just related to one another but are friends who get drunk on the terrace at night. Their conversation is so good you are immediately endeared to the characters (that weird laugh Deepak Dobriyal indulges in is forgiven)

Everyone is going to tell you how heartwarming Irrfan Khan is with his daughter Radhika Madan. One scene where she comes home drunk and accuses her dad is wonderful. After that, her insane need to study in England is a ‘bachpan mein maara hota toh yeh din na dekhne padte!’ moment. 

There is also a moment where Irrfan Khan looks pensive at the window in London, worried about how he’s going to get his daughter admitted to college, which is as good as the scene in Nil Bate Sannata where Chanda (Swara Bhaskar) wonders about how she’s going to get her daughter to study…

Dimple Kapadia is still stunning. Still amazing. 

13 Reasons Why All Good Scenes Stand Cancelled.

1. The film releases on Friday the 13th. So bad writing gets blamed on the bad luck date.

2. Corona virus ke kaaran people didn’t come to the theaters, warna hit thee boss.

3. Whoever wrote the English parts given to white people has never spoke to a white person. They don’t ‘maite’, ‘eh?!’ and ‘lad’ in every sentence. Not even during cricket commentary.

4. Died laughing when London airport, immigration, police were all ‘white’. Why sacrifice the movie for cheap comedy? Kaun hain yeh log? There are brown people everywhere, even the Mayor of London is Sadiq Khan. 

5. British cops who mistake achaar for drugs? Seriously?! In 2020, their drug sniffing dogs might ask for mathri when they sniff out achaar. 

6. Irrfan Khan speaks English with a tourist in Udaipur. Broken English, but English. All of a sudden upon landing in London he is unable to speak a word of the language. But he knows how to use Google Translate which helpfully translates ‘Dawa’ into ‘Drugs’. Try it. It clearly says ‘Medicine’. So they sacrifice everything for a cheap joke. Of course when he says he’s going to make drugs, the all white, all brainless policemen arrest him after overacting their alarm. 

7. We see NO Indian person in London except the boy who picks up Radhika Madan at the airport. And she’s so stupid, she doesn’t make any effort to find where her uncle and dad are. If you ever go to London, there are helpful signs everywhere. And the boy who picks her up also just whisks her away. 

8. So Radhika Madan has managed to contact a frat house Indian, without actually having a provisional admission… And they’re all very happy to share their alcohol. Uh-uh! If you have studied at any college in London, then NO ONE shares alcohol so freely. They all bring their own booze. The frat house hilarity is very American. Thoda konfujiyaa gaye hain… If you google ‘what do students in Britain drink?’, the answer will be beer followed by wine. 

9. So the principal in an Udaipur school tears up the admission letter. Erm… It’s 2020, those acceptance letters are all online now. So the whole nonsense they go through to get admission is a waste. There could have been comedy in trying to forge a letter from the university, where Irfan and Deepak try to reach hackers in some biddy’s basement… Sigh. 

10. The boy who rescues Radhika Madan has a dad who is a politician, but he works so he’s not a burden on his dad. Doting daughter doesn’t try to locate her dad via her friend’s politician dad? That would have been comedy too… But the country where no one figured out that the two gents did not speak English and deported them has an Indian person who is a politician? 

11. Please Pankaj Tripathi, I used to be a fan. Have said that he cannot do a thing wrong. But after seeing him ham away at his role, trying hard to be funny was like someone stabbing me with the butter knife. Pankaj Tripathi starts speaking like, ‘Main batatee hoon’ (as if he were confusing gender) but then he forgets that in trying to be funny. I thought he’s be extending his hand and painting his nails too… They just didn’t think of it, no?

12. Why is Ranvir Shorey made to dress as if he had flown down from the West Indies instead of cold England. And his family is dressed like Goan Aunties straw hats and all… No wonder Meghan Markle chose to leave England and move to Canada.

13. The auction is as sham as it can get. But that Bappi Lahiri crack? Fizzzzzzled out. Who’s your audience? Busta Rhymes is what most young people understand. And the hawala money exchanging hands is not even original…

Friday The Thirteenth or no, this movie just bombed. Even though the father-daughter equation could have been ‘aww’ inducing, these ghastly mistakes would have made Citizen Khan cringe too. Watch Hindi Medium on one of the streaming services. It had a heart. This one just makes you wince.  





P.S. If you are a fan of Irrfan Khan then go to Netflix and watch him in Tokyo Trial.