Bollywood throwback story that’s as senseless as the action!
Bollywood brothers have always been like Ram Aur Shyam. One weak and the other strong. Bollywood police dad dies making strong brother promise he’ll take care of weak brother. They’re not twins though. And only in Bollywood do weak brothers show up in Inspector ka uniform and strong brother shadow boxes for him. What follows is so deafening, you cannot fall asleep, and if you follow the story, your brain dies. Slowly. Over 143 minutes.
Yeh Heera Hai, Heera!
Jackie Shroff is Bollywood dad who is rough on younger son because he knows ‘yeh ladka heera hai heera’ (but they did not pay the dialogue guy enough to write the obvious stuff because they spent money on gaalis for heroine that make no sense, and some forgettable supposedly funny lines and names for cops: whatever happened to hum angrez ke zamane ke jailor hain? But I get ahead of myself)
So heera beta is younger Tiger Shroff who beats up anyone who beats his older softer brother who is a crybaby. It’s Riteish Deshmukh! Before you say what the what happened to Mauli? He had a double role there? What happened to Ram Aur Shyam? Even there Dilip Kumar had a double role… Oh! Tiger Shroff can never play weaker brother! He will have to wear clothes for that…And what normal clothes can fit around those muscles?!
So Riteish bhai is made to cry at the movies in this movie, and when he bumps into baddies with creative forgettable name and get hit, he yells for RONNNNNNNIE!
Tiger who goes by the name Ronnie shows up, beats up the bad guys (I can imagine movie theater sending bills for all that stuff destroyed…) and saves his bhai.
When the ex policeman (served with their dad) chachaji asks Tiger to become cop in place of dead daddy (died saving innocents during a riot), Tiger gets a great idea, ‘Let crybaby bade bhaiyya become cop, I will shadow him and beat up baddies for him.’
India Me Baddies Kam Hai, Foreign Jaao!
For some reason baddies are kidnapping families from India, flying them to Syria, separating them by having men wear bomb vests and blowing themselves up. No one tells us what the big bad baddy called Abu Jalal (the guy from Fauda, Jameel Khoury) does with leftover families.
The moment the henchman for the big bad baddy says, ‘Boss knows 44 languages!’, I imagined him at the United Nations instead of some fake ‘kingdom within Syria’.
I blame Netflix for these Arabic baddies are spouting these days. How can you read when your brain cells have died with this mind numbing story? Why are they ruining Jaideep Ahlawat and Vijay Verma by turning them into good guys so quickly? Had I been Jaideep Ahlawat, starving alone on the street, I would still refuse to play a bad guy called IPL. Perhaps that’s why he chooses to step on a land mine and die!
Tiger is made to fight with randomly parked train engines in a factory, stacked cars at a dump, SUVs in fake Syria, and dude fights atop helicopters, bringing Black Hawks down. Body count? Syria aise hee khaali hua hai kya? Lots of action sequences later (like Salman Khan his shirt catches fire and Tiger Shroff rips off the shreds to show us his shredded body). Shraddha Kapoor ne diya rag remains intact though.
Why Shraddha Kapoor gives him a rag as a keepsake, no one knows. Perhaps no one even know what she’s doing in the movie. There is no place for women in such films. Even Disha Patani who is made to dance looks bored as an item girl…
In the big fight with the big bad guy, Tiger gets stabbed and dies.
Phew! No Baaghi 4 then!
Spoke too soon! Darpoke brother is suddenly enraged and kills remaining bad guys – with a perfectly handy brick – including the big bad guy. But hero kabhi marta hai kya?
Dammit! Riteish will be his older brother in the next film called ‘Do Baaghi 4’ or something equally ghastly.
Marna Chaahiye… That dialog is boring now…
Tiger delivers his standard Heropanti lines ‘meri jaati nahi’, ‘bhai bulata hai toh phod deta hoon’ as if he were disinterested. Thankfully his action sequences (you get the feeling you have seen them before) are rather cool.
I was quite uncomfortable stepping into a public place that could give free rein to the deadly virus. But after surviving this film, I am sure India will survive the Corona Virus too.
Truly, Baaghi 3 is a cure for the Corona Virus
P.S. Ground clearance on tanks is 19 inches. how thin is this lad?