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Thoda Funny, Thoda Tacky, Aur Bahut Misleading…

1.5 stars

Mini Review:

Since when do doctors play anti abortionists? Which doctor in their right mind says, ‘See your baby’s tiny heart is beating, and you want to kill it?’ Especially if it is a baby created by your mistake? Who advises against adoptions? There are so many things wrong with this film you cringe when the very obvious lifestyle jokes are cracked.

Main Review:

Last I heard, abortion was a woman’s right in this country. No doctor will tell the patient against going through with the procedure by pointing out to a ‘beating heart’ and emotionally blackmail a patient from going through with the procedure. And more so in this case, because the psychological trauma is caused by a ‘mistake’ of the doctor! 

So at this fancy-ass fertility center, the fancy-ass doctor suggests to the obviously stressed out fancy ass patients Akshay Kumar and Kareena Kapoor Khan to undergo the IVF. They agree because they’ve tried everything else from having sex during ovulation to saying ‘no’ to mumbo jumbo babajis.

(Having been through a similar push from family, I think it was a wasted opportunity for the filmmakers to have ignored the ‘babaji ka chooran’, ‘mannat maangi hai’ humor, which is way better than the tacky, ‘Holi ke din paida hua so the baby’s name is Holaraam’, and fatty aunties insisting that now it’s time to become fat. 

Which world are the filmmakers living in? How is that funny? Today young women are thinking of having babies because they can buy the Armani baby bag and go for baby and mommy yoga, and even show off their hot mommy bods because they went to a ‘mommy moon’… That would have a funnier trope to explore than what we saw…

The other set of Batras are rich too, but they’re not fancy, they live in Chandigarh in a bungalow with a pool, but they’re loud – they wear matching leisurewear, in sequinned velvet – and they sing zumba songs in the gym. 

I actually liked this pair of Batras, even though you are supposed to like the Bombay Batras. Diljit Dosanjh and Kiara Advani make for a lovely pair what with ‘mata rani’s blessings’ and living with mummyji who heard from this auntyji who heard about the pregnancy from that auntyji whose daughter works in the doctor’s office.

There is a problem here: If Diljit and Kiara went to the Chandigarh branch of the fertility center, and Akshay and Kareena in Bombay, how on Earth did the sperm get mixed up? I chopped off two stars from five here…

Obviously no research was done here because rich couple go stay at the baby resort where couples who want babies live and eat and breathe and dream about having babies (they have everything from meditation and massage for harassed husbands and pink and blue fluffy rooms of love for wives) the whole thing is hormonal…

A mix up of sperms in real life would mean a cancellation of the doctor’s licence anywhere in the world! The moral consequences aren’t exactly nice… But first, which doctor is ever going to admit that it’s their mistake? 

As the movie progresses, the Bombay Batras and Chandigarh Batras become neighbors, Akshay Kumar continues to be a horrid man, unable to connect with a baby growing inside his wife because it is not his sperm. This prompts a rant from Kareena who looks so lovely you forget the big mistake in this speech. 

She says, ‘You don’t know the pain we got through at childbirth!’ 

What?! She’s yet to give birth. How does she know pain? Besides, had they done a little research, they would have come across a word called the ‘epidural’! It’s the injection that eases the pain of childbirth.

So I wiped my moist eyes and ended up rolling them at Akshay Kumar suddenly smoking pot inside the house (I guess the humor was so thin they needed him to smoke up in order to laugh hysterically! Since when do potheads behave hysterically? Chop one star off for this pathetic, un-researched idea).

Of course the babies are born and everything is happy happy joy joy, but not before Akshay Kumar is rude to his parents while getting into the car enroute to the hospital… That much awfulness needs to get a kick in his arse, and half a star chopped off. This was just not necessary.

But there are three awesome things about this film: 
one: Kareena Kapoor, 
two: one really funny line, and 
Three: A lovely cinematic moment.

Kareena is simply lovely.   

Then there’s a super funny line when Akshay Kumar sees giant baby pictures in the clinic and comments, ‘Why do clinics show white babies?’ 

The third is the lovely moment, the look the two women share when eating paani puri…

It would have been fun if families descended en masse on the two Batras and everyone wanted a hand in ‘Bringing up Baby’… But the filmmakers did not take even half a leaf out of Steve Martin… Even better had they thought up of baby gift registry, or internet domain names for the babies or started an Instagram account for their babies… But that would mean research, and having women on your team who have been there, done that…

If you see lots of stars flying about, don’t be fooled. These are the same people who loved the pathetic Bhai starrer recently released… Watch it for the limpid, glowing Kareena. 


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